Back to BR Fun Index

Okay, so when does being a fan of Blade Runner cross over into being a little obsessive? Here is a humorous set of answers. The initial page was created by collecting together answers from the similar old polls on the alt.fan.blade-runner newsgroup, the BR-Insight forum and the BladeZone forum. Of course I didn't ask everyone's permission, but if you do want your name removed (or changed to your latest pseudonym), I'll do so. As different people may have come up with the same ideas independently of each other, there may be a few duplicates (and I can't be bothered doing exhaustive checks). And some of these things may have been said by somebody else first, blah blah...

E-mail me with your own suggestions. New additions will be added to the TOP.

Mirthin

• When you buy a Moller SkyCar (a real life hovercar) and convert it to look like a spinner, complete with onboard esper!

Rachael

• You walk on the beach and discover that your sneaker imprints look suspiciously like unicorn tracks. Then your children look at the tracks and look suspiciously at you. {See the photo!}
• You visit your friend's house and are startled to see a unicorn statue and a vintage woman's photograph sitting side by side on her shelf. You look suspiciously at your friend.
• You've bought a vintage Burberry Trench Coat on eBay. You went back and bought a vintage fedora to match.
• You also have a high collared black trench for when you want to play Roy.
• You've been searching for 5 years for a Zhora raincoat.
• You give makeup and fashion advice to your teenage daughter - "just don't go out of the house looking like Pris, okay?".
• You house your original 1982 VO version of BR in your safe, and you are the only one who has a key.
• Members of your family know who you are talking about when you drop names like Netrunner and RoyBoy at the dinner table.
• You have already given your daughter's hand in marriage to Patrick Meaney.
• Your husband finds a full set of storyboards of an alternate beginning to BR in a cinematography book he is reading. He teaches film making. You convince him to do a class on BR and he does.
• You spent over US$100 on supplies to plant a BR letterbox series. The clues to the letterbox sound suspiciously like a voice-over.
• The friends you have that have never seen BR feel like they have, since your one-liners are comprised mostly of BR dialog. Later, they start to finish your one-liners for you.

Paul Szczepanek

• You don't want to wear a trenchcoat, don't want to look like characters from the movie, don't want to talk like them, act like them and don't own figures of spinners and assorted items but you like to watch the movie and like to talk about it.

Esper2019

• You ask your friends to watch the film and they start running away from you.
• You spend your money on the greatest film on earth.
• You can't wait for 2019 to arrive... even if you are going to be very old.....!
• ... and of course: you are going to Los Angeles.

Netrunner

• In light of the last entry, you know you're obsessed if you get a hairstyle like Rachael ... or Pris ... or ... dare I say ... Zhora? ... Especially if you're male.

Fosterfarms383

• You have Deckard's/Roy's haircut
• Do you dream music?
• Do you have origami of unicorns?
• When trying to sleep you take in a breath swallow then exhale...?
• Wash your face in the sink and check to see if you have any loose teeth.
• Ever try to jump between buildings at night in the rain?
• Walk into your apartment and call out "Rachael" 3 times (or 2 depending on
  which version you like).

Terry

• You're obsessed when: you and your ex can come to agreements on everything -- house, cars, custody of the children -- but need a mediator to decide who gets the OV and who gets the DC.
• Despite having beautiful weather every other day, when you meet a BR fan for the first time, it rains. You both get the reference and quote sushi lines all day.

The original collection by Lukas (including Jacaranda's):

• You only have one trenchcoat, which you wear whatever the weather.
• You keep an abnormally large number of photos propped up on your piano.
• You keep hearing silly voiceovers when you don't open your mouth.
• Later on, the above point seemingly doesn't happen. You feel better about this.
• Whenever someone asks you to tell them what something is, you reply by asking them if they know what a turtle is.
• You can't smile properly, and only manage a lopsided grin at the best of times.
• You name your children Rick, Rachael, Deckard, Bryant, Roy, etc.
• You name your pets Rick, Rachael, ... (you get the idea).
• You live on noodles and Johnny Walker.
• You keep fiddling with that voice control software, trying to get it to work with your photo scan software.
• You write silly "You know you are a true Blade Runner fan when..." lists.
• You feel great on rainy days, although you resist the temptation to start climbing up your house or apartment's fore-front... This time.
• You start reading the works of William Blake - even though you hate poetry - just so you can quote him and be considered cool, if a little weird...
• You try to rent or buy an appartment with a view on a big industrial area, preferably with some oil refineries nearby.
• One night, you sneak out of your house and "fix" the streetlights opposite your house, so the light beams directly into your living room, just to get that special Ridley Scott touch...
• Every day, you spend some time letting out your dog, and every now and then you catch yourself sighing and thinking out loud: "Boy, I wish I could afford a REAL dog!"...
• ... But actually, you've been considering getting a sheep instead.
• When you meet other pet owners, you can't help asking them if the pet is artificial.
• Last night, you actually dreamed about... A UNICORN! AAAARGHHH !!!! Next day, when your nephew shows you his unicorn drawing, you freak out. You make plans to leave town for a while. You plan to go north.
• You show a peculiar fear of the latest developments in genetic engineering. The fact that they recently cloned a SHEEP, of all things, somehow doesn't help ease your mind on matters.
• Once in a while, when you get an interesting photo in your hands, you carefully study it, carefully wiggling it around, to see if you can't see it "come to life".

P.J.Sheehy

• I wear my trench coat whenever it's remotely feasible.
• That pesky lightblub that flickers? I just can't seem to find it in me to change it.
• I've got " Have a better one" on my voice mail and EMail.
• Co-workers are routinely called. " Hey. Idi wa."
• Overcast rainy days don't bother me.
• Some days I do my own voiceover, some days I don't.

Evil Sponge

• I shoot people in crowded streets.
• I start questioning people, but give up when they offer me a free drink.

Mellorman

• I bluff my way into strippers' dressing rooms...
• I test whether women are lesbians then sleep with them...

Netrunner

• You have Blade Runner music playing while answering questions on a Blade Runner forum about why you're a Blade Runner fan...
• When you arrive home, you say, "Home again, home again, jiggety jig." (And your young child joins in...)
• You try to look into photos by telling your computer to "enhance...." (and it does something completely different.)
• When you walk into a bottle shop and ask for Tsing Tao ... (then get annoyed because they give you a bottle of beer.)
• You know your friends are BR fans when you start saying "I've seen things ..." and they finish the sentence for you... Why is that Leon?
• Oh yeah, you know you're a BR fan when you've spent large chunks of your spare time creating a BR website...
• You carefully document the chess game from the film even though you know they paid so little attention to it, neither of their boards match (which you know because you've carefully examined the tiniest details on pause...)
• How about having the "Android Hunter" and "Android" action figures telling me I'm a BR fan? What? Surely its okay to talk with your pseudo-Deckard and pseudo-Batty as they chase each other around the desk?

Dmitrc Burnes

• Do you know how tough it is to _not_ say poLICE man ten times every day when it is part of your job???!!!

Karen

• Anytime I find tin foil I'm trying to fold a unicorn.

Jay

• You check the a.f.b-r ng 3-4 times a week for new messages, even though you never post.

Ubik

• Do you know that sound the elevator makes in BR when someone uses it ? That "tee tee tee tee tee tee teeet" ? Well, every day I go to work, I have to ride the elevator, and guess what I am whistling until I arrive at my office's floor ? "tee tee tee tee tee tee teeet" ...

SSR

• I took a picture of Deckard to the hairdressers once to have my hair cut in the same way. I have a suspicion she thought I was mad!
• You bought the Blade Runner DVD before you owned a DVD player...

BR-Insight

• You make your own cut of the movie.
• You get BR associations every time you see some Hare Krishna people.
• You start to talk about capillary dilations, fluctuation of the pupil and involuntary dilations of the iris with your eye doctor.
• You are trying to grab some of the doves in the park where you are walking your "artificial" dog.
• You spray paint a huge area around your eyes black. (Only applies for girls, ...I would think)

BR796164

• You intentionally screw up a few of your basic genes to get Methuselah's Syndrome and won't be able to emigrate from Earth.
• You post an annoying topic on a Blade Runner forum which turns to flames, and then you play innocent and apologize yourself with: "Hey, this topic was only meant to provoke your emotional reactions!"
• You make friends. It's your hobby.
• You like checking the women's dressing room walls for small dirty holes.
• Your girlfriend tells you an intimate secret from her childhood and you say... "Implants...!"
• You eat only sushi with noodles (synthetic, of course...soya gives it the off-world feeling)
• While in your work, you give your computer strange commands like "Enhance 45 to 69" or "Pan right and stop".
• Everytime you buy a "real" animal, after further examination you find a small electronic control panel on its belly.

Netrunner

• You strip down to your underwear, howl like a wolf, paint your face with your dead girlfriend's blood and chase people around the rooftops in the pouring rain... ...or is that just me?
• You like to hang out and chat in freezers.
• You quote lines from Blade Runner in general conversation and only realise afterwards what you've done. Like, "Two is enough", "I've had people walk out on me before, but not when I was being so charming...", "Milk and cookies kept you awake?", "You've done a man's job, sir!" or "I want more life, ****er."

spookyboy

• When in crowds you scream "MOVE GET OUTTA MY WAY"
• And when someone shows you their hand in a cast you ask "Was that because of Zhora?"
• have a real fear - of decaying buildings, people in bicycle shorts, freezers and car thieving midgets!
• You live in a dank dark city and are constantly being rained on.
• You wear really bad long-sleeve shirts (fashion police have you listed on MOST WANTED)
• The light in your umbrella dosen't work anymore.
• You think you are a representative for American Variety Artists.
• You may have to wear a paperbag on your face to disguise yourself when using the vidphone
• You hang out in Chinatown and look twice when you see guys with beards!
• People wearing trenchcoats with blonde hair freak you out!
• Snakes freak you out.
• You wonder what happened to PAN-AM and Atari
• you like pigeons and doves... Especially white ones
• You want to re-decorate your bathroom and demolish the walls using your head!
• You look twice at window dummies.
• Big fans excite you...
• You think pollution gives the place atmoshpere.....
• You buy contact lenses that make your eyes glow.
• You play chess moves from the movie
• You dye your hair blonde and run around abandoned bulidings half naked!
• You don't like neon signs that don't make that "blurnt, blurnt, blurnt sound"
• Cyclone fencing in the rain gives you a warm feeling
• You have considered jumping across buildings just to re-enact one of your favorite scenes
• You consider getting the same room furnishings and wall tiles as in Deckards apartment!
• You practice somersaults so you can grab people with your legs and slap 'em in the head till they pass out! (Geez that sounds bad, I swear I will/ have never tried this!)
• when you have pictures of spinners next to your PC
• you wear a trenchcoat all year round. In the shower, bath and to bed...
• you gut fish in your bath tub and leave it there and start making origami animals, leave photos of 'doubles' everywhere, play vangelis all the friggin' time, make those 'I'm so ****ed and forgot I left a shot glass on my chest' noises, you stick your finger in your mouth and always find blood, you have ambient white noise in the background the whole time, you think urban decay is cool, you like lifts that talk to you, you quote BR, you watch the directors cut and still hear the voice narrative, you need big roof fans - must have big slow moving roof fans, you only let one-eyed bartenders serve you, small people make you nervous (they have small hands) and you constantly watch if they have car parts in their posession, it just goes on and on....
• you think 'ground cars' are so last century!
• You light your farts - trying to emulate the opening sequence of the industrial city!
• You check into a hotel and get annoyed that the caretaker isn't wearing a gas mask!

skinjob

• You pay your doorman extra to dress up in a German kaiser costume and say 'home again home again, jiggity jig, gooood evening JF'
• You have your deathbed speech already prepared... "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe...."
• You're the annoying person that always stops by at the police station asking for an application to become a member of the "RepDetect Unit"
• You start a world wide search campaign for the actor that played Abdul-Ben Hassan
• You're working on a replicant clone of PKD!! (sorry, my respects to Dick...)
• Your mood organ is set to "Annoying Blade Runner fan"
• You learn several different languages just so you can jumble them up and speak in Cityspeak
• You speak in Cityspeak, even though you don't know what the hell you just said.
• You're constantly checking the mirror to see if your eyes glow with that orangy-ness
• You always check the newstand for KROTCH magazine
• You leave origami animals everywhere
• You think jabbing a rusty nail into your hand will get rid of the carpal tunnel
• Your favourite insult : "You look almost as bad as that skinjob I left on the sidewalk"
• You're single because your girlfriends found it disturbing that you pin them against the wall and force them to say "kiss me"
• Tsing Tao is your favourite beer
• You panic when its time to show yours...
• you refuse to listen to any music other than Vangelis
• you've done questionable things.. (but nothing that the gods of biomechanics wouldnt let you into heaven for)
• you try to hijack a bus shuttle with your friends
• nothing grows in your garden (because of the radioactive dust)
• you dont cross the street unless you hear the traffic signals beeping and saying "cross now, cross now"
• you never enter your apartment without drawing your pistol
• you start an arguement with the chef every time you go to a japanese restaurant, even when he does give you four pieces!! "FOUR! TWO-TWO, FOUR!!"
  

Damask Rose

• You start every conversation with "Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention...."

RoyBoy

• When you buy 'Optical Physics' by D.S. Tannhauser just for completeness sake.
• When you buy a piano and play a few notes for ambiance.

Holden

• ...when you have rain machines in your garden...

6th Skin Job

• when you try to make your own electric umbrella
• when you look really,really deeply into a photo trying to find a reflection
• when you try to get your girlfriend to wear a copy of Zhora's "harness"
• when you look for books on guttertalk

Nexus6

• You go into your bathroom everytime flicking your fingers at the light even though theres nothing wrong with it.
• If someone asked you to recite a poem right off the top of your head you answer, "fiery the angels fell, deep thunder rolled around their shores, burning with the fires of orc."
• When you see something ingenious you say, "ah.....smart"
• You say to your friends, "Painful to live in fear isnt it?" confusing them.
• You have the same bottle of Johnny Walker like the one Deckard had.
• You decorate your home or apartment like Deckard's. Such as molding foam wall blocks.
• You call everybody a "pal"
  

The Dark Knight

• If I tell an offensive joke I say 'Its just a joke, designed to provoke an emotional response.'
• Saying 'Have a better one' every evening as I leave work.
• Meeting people in the pub and starting the conversation with 'I've seen things you people wouldn't believe'.
• Checking all the cars on the road to see if anything approaches the spinner.
• Being quite nostalgic in the rainy neon lit parts of the city.
• Playing the Vangelis soundtrack at every opportunity.
• Saying 'Your licence in order pal?' to a bemused bartender.
• Telling your friends you're in '[Insert Pub name here] online. Come on over.'
• Walking the streets in heavy overcoats with the collars turned up.

BenMund

• You tell people you broke up because she was "retrained for a kick murder squad".
• You answer every question about your family with "My mother? Let me tell you about my mother..."
• Your hand is permanently red from trying to pluck boiled eggs from a pot once too often.
• You refer to your kids as the "Nexus 7's".
  

BR796164

• You like to play melancholic songs on the piano while drunk.
• You are enjoying the look of the tortoise turned on its back.
• You used to change your voice to a moronic tone every time you talk to female strippers.
• You weren't born, you were "incepted".
• You are getting out only at night and only if it rains.
• Your appartment is full of old photographs.
• When you are done with something, you say, "Finished."
• Everytime a friend of you does something stupid, you say: "Milk and cookies keep you awake."
• At work, you say to your supervisor: "I am not in the business... I am the business."
• Someone shows you his/her new pet and you ask: "It's artificial? [insert animal species name] are extinct. Check your Sidney's."
• You are preaching Mercerism and manufacture small empathy devices.
• You are sometimes returning to home cautiously with weapon drawn and when you spot your wife, you say: "Rachael?"
• If you fail in the bed, your wife calls you "Sushi".
• You are wearing glass ashtrays instead of dioptric glasses in order to look more wiser and interesting.
• You always must have some human eyes in your refrigerator.
• You collect mechanical puppets.
• Few women already walked out on you, but not when you were being so charming.

Harry Bryant

• You answer every question you are asked with "Is this testing whether I'm a Replicant or a lesbian."
• You stand outside the 1-hour photo shop just so you can ask people "Did you get your precious photos?"
• You get thrown out of a bar for repeatedly saying "Hey Louie, the man is dry. Give him one on the house."
• You pause several times during the day to give a Harrison Ford-like voice-over to clarify what you are doing for anyone who will listen.
• Whenever you cross a street with a crossing signal, you repeat loudly "Cross now. Cross now. Cross now." in a monotone as you proceed.
• You hire a couple of neighbor kids to dress up as the bear and the Kaiser to greet you when you come home. (Home again, home again, jiggety-jig.)
• You hand over your driver’s license and say “Deckard . . . B26354.” to the police officer who just stopped you for speeding. { Intellidroid - After this, you ask the cop, "What are you doing?" and he says... "Arresting you, that's what I'm doing." }
• Every year you start to freak out around your birthday thinking that this year might be your last.
• You constantly harass your mother demanding to know your 'real' incept date.
• You break your own fingers and bind them with a strip of dirty cloth to complete your Deckard image.
• Since you can't get onto the roof, you hang by your fingers out of your apartment window, pretending that your several stories off the ground, when in fact you live on the ground floor.
• Your father whips your ass for kissing him then jamming your thumbs into his eyes.
  

ToM

• when you start to ask your date 100 weird questions and look into their eyes trying to find abnormal pupil reaction.

Dystopian Resident

• Every time you see a pigeon taking off you mutter to yourself "I've seen things"
• Whenever you're watching sports and a foul is commited, you say "That was irrational...not to mention unsportsmanlike"
• When someone asks you a question, you begin with "Ahh the facts of life..."
• Whenever you're paying for something you say "is this enough?"
• And if you're a lecturer, you're a BR freak if you go up to your students asking them "is this your work?"...imagine if the student replies "not many can afford my work"

Deckard BR26354

• You stay up until 6.00 am creating an article for an online fanclub.
• You plan to go to Los Angeles in November 2019 to really see how close the movie is to reality...

Netrunner

• You wonder if you should take that Voight-Kampff test yourself.

blade18

• You have family photographs on your piano.
• When you and a friend see a woman police officer or security guard say: "Talk about beauty and the beast... she's both."
• When you get a work assignment say: "Give it to Holden... he's good."
• When you see someone you hadn't talked to in a while say: "I don't get it... why'd you risk coming to Earth for?"
• When your in a situation where you see or hear an owl say: "Like our owl?"
• When your giving a presentation give a demonstration or start talking about the "wrong thing" and say: "I want to provide you with a negative before I provide you with a positve."
• When you and a friend see a good looking girl say: "She's one of the pleasure models."
• Ask the human resource/pension plan folks at work: "Have you ever retired a human by mistake?"
  

tomtrek

• You actually believe that you are a replicant, as you stick nails into your wrists in order to stop yourself from dying after four years.

Kipple

• When someone enters your office/workspace, or "room" you react by saying, "Ahh...you not come here! Illegal!"
• When your children start quoting lines from Blade Runner. And they haven't seen the movie!
• You have Ray McCoy, (in the BR game), go to "Nightclub Row"...and enter either "Taffy Lewis' " bar or "Early Q's" and invite your friends over for a few drinks.
• You know you're a BR freak when you are seriously considering changing your name to one of your favourite characters in the movie!
• You set up your 12" Deckard (Android Hunter), and Roy (android 001) action figures to watch Blade Runner with.
  

Intellidroid

• You reply with "That's no way to treat a friend" whenever a woman hangs up on you.

TekXombie

• Your pet Cat, Horace, keeps meowing and you frantically search for the battery to recharge it.
• You drive around in your car, playing the Blade Runner soundtrack and imagine you're flying around in a spinner overlooking L.A. 2019.

Voight-Kampff

• You go out and buy a dance record by a band called the Tyrell Corporation without even hearing it first ... (luckily I liked it too)

Mike

• At McDonalds you think the cashier shorted you on the amount of french fries you should get with your order, you say "I Want more FRIES F*cker".

Robocop

• You put an origami Unicorn on your bosses desk and as you walk out, turn with your walking stick and say, "It's too bad she won't live, but then again who does?" and he rapidly wonders what the f*** you're talking about.
• You get hit by a rock and say "That damn Mercerism".
• You start calling people chickenheads as an insult.
• You scan photos and sit for hours on end saying "Enhance B63-54" but nothing happens.
• You search for the slot to put your credit card to open your door.
• You fall asleep on your piano and actually dream of a unicorn.
• You end all your sentences with, "But then again who does?"
• You endlessly search for the "Off-World Colony" section in your local newspaper.
• You start talking jibberish and mix Japanese and Spanish when you go to a Chinese restaurant and order noodles.
• You sabotage people aiming for your job in fear that they might be a guy named Gaff.
• If you are a cop and pull someone over and they wind their window down and ask "What's the matter officer" you respond with "You know the score pal, if you're not cop you're little people."
• You refuse to accept a calf-skin wallet and drag the person to the police station.
• When you are alone with your Girlfriend's parents you ask, "She's a replicant isn't she?"
• You start sabotaging the Apollo missions in fear that they will create the Off-World colonies.
• You extremely cautiously turn every corner worrying that a Blade Runner might be standing there aiming at you.
• When someone is bothering you, you go to the police and say,"Is your usual Blade Runner in, I need someone retired."
• You chat up a fine girl by saying "I've seen things you people have never seen... I am a genetic designer for the Tyrell Corperation... I'm a Blade Runner that retires replicants... Taffey Louis is online... wanna go out?"

Netrunner

• Not only do you read a huge long list of what signifies you're an obsessed BR fan but you also get all the jokes... even the DADoES ones...

It is okay. You are amongst friends. You may speak freely and we will support you. You will not get over these symptoms, but together we can learn how to deal with them...

Shakes? Me too. I get 'em bad. It's part of the business.